One of the inevitable side effects of chemotherapy is losing my hair. I have been surprised how difficult the prospect of this has been. I guess I never realized how closely connected I see my physical appearance with who I really am. Losing my hair seems a little like losing part of who I am.
I also have been meditating on the process of aging and decay of our physical bodies. If I have felt any anger in this process, I think it has thus far been directed toward my body itself. How could it have betrayed me so thoroughly to allow such an invader as cancer?
As I prepare for chemotherapy and radiation, knowing that these very processes are designed to kill cells (hopefully more cancer cells than healthy cells), losing my hair and experiencing the other side effects seems like a stark reminder of how fragile and temporary this ole body is.
But as frightening and uncertain as it is to grow old and to break down and to become frail and eventually to die, it’s the natural destiny of all flesh and blood people. I can move forward into this painful process with faith that this destiny is not the end. The reality of eternity and heaven and rest with Jesus brings peace in the middle of it all.
—
One way to help me deal with my inevitable hair loss was to go ahead and cut it very short now so when it starts to fall out, it won’t be quite as dramatic of a change. I thought I’d show you the new me — the shortest hair cut I’ve ever had. Some friends are already saying I should have it cut like this again when it starts to grow back!
Ted — Saying our blogging styles is similar is quite a compliment! I would tend to agree!
Nancy — I needed that!
Kim — I’ve thought of this passage often. Seeing death as a wimpering dog skulking off in the corner gives me a lot of hope in the face of this deteriorating body.
Mary — So glad you stopped by.
Jennifer — Thanks for reminding me that I am God’s child. Keeping this aspect of my relationship at the front of my mind helps me remember how lovingly God interacts with me.
Mark — Thanks for your prayers.
Gyrovague — Thanks for the much need perspective!
Just checking in on ya.
Having no hair is not such a bad thing. I speak from experience!
You look great with the short hair, and you would not be any less attractive without any.
Hang in there, we are still praying for you!
Wow, it really does look great! When I saw it in my feedreader, I thought, that can’t be Charity.
Like, L.L., I was struck by your sense that you are being betrayed by your body.
We’re still praying for you!
Charity,
Checking in on you. Your wisdom touches me deep. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Jesus is a faithful, loving, servant of His children. Hold fast. He is the Healer, above all.
I LOVE your new do!!
I stumbled across your blog and am really glad I did. Your thoughts are beautifully written. You look very much full of life and grace and beauty in your new do!
Thank you for sharing on a public blog…
Mary
Hi Charity! The new “do” definietly makes you look younger! Your post on a new metaphor reminded me of 1 Corinthians 15:
“For this perishable must put on the imperishable, and this mortal must put on immortality. But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, “DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP in victory. “O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY? O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?””
Thanks again for your continued posts. We are blessed. Kim
a song for you
by fred m rogers
It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear,
It’s not the way you do your hair–
But it’s you I like
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you–
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys–
They’re just beside you.
But it’s you I like–
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself,
It’s you, it’s you I like.
🙂
Charity,
Yes, I think you look “quite alright” (as I think the Brits would say) with the new -do.
But I hear you on the body. I’m reminded more and more that I have less and less time in this life through my body. Though I’m really blessed so far, but we are as fragile as we are wonderfully made.
Thanks for sharing this and keeping us informed as to how it’s going.
(And, by the way, I was just telling my wife I think it was, that of all the bloggers, your writing most reminds me of my own writing. But that’s too good of a compliment for me, but it’s good to just be able to share with each other and try to encourage and help each other and ourselves with words. And photos too! 🙂
Charity,
WHEN your hair grows back definitely keep this style!
Praying for you!
LM — Thank you! I always love to hear from you.
Spaghetti Pie — Who knows, once my hair grows back this may be my new permanent style!
Julie — I hadn’t thought about it, but our haircuts ARE very similar. Cool!
Erin — Will you pray that I can continue to smile? Some days it’s harder than others.
23 Degrees — I always appreciate your visits here. Thanks for your prayer.
Christianne — Thanks! So glad to see your smiling face too!
Thanks to you all for your kindness about my haircut. I like it more than I imagined I would.
When I mentioned the haircut to an out-of-town friend, he said it gave me a level of control that I crave during this time. I choose what to do with my hair, not the cancer.
LL — Your comments reveal the same truth. This little bit of control is helping me deal with the reality that I am actually not in control. None of us are, really.
Every Square Inch — I had been thinking about that book by Randy Alcorn. I don’t have it and haven’t read it, but I’ve heard so many people discussing it. Thanks for your offer to send it.
A Musing — After deciding to cut my hair, so many others have said they did the same thing or have heard of others doing it. It just makes sense to me right now.
Shlomo — Thanks for your kind words. I feel brave in the wave a young child does who is holding the hand of his Father and has the rest of her family just behind her.
Craver — Your comments about the pickle have cracked me up. Funny thing about that — I just grabbed a handful of cards and snapped the photo. I didn’t even realize the pickle card had made it in until people started commenting on it. The pickle is just one of the many creative cards I have received. The greeting card industry sure is thinking outside the box!
Charity,
You are so, so beautiful. I love coming here and seeing your smiling face grinning back at me.
Love,
Christianne
I have visited your writings in only the last few months. I have read your posts in the blog community as well, and have seen how gracefully and lovingly you have responded to me and many other sojourners. I can tell you are cared for and loved by so many, Charity.
I also have been praying for you, my sister, and I have wondered what I could possibly ad to this conversation but to say,like so many others, that I will be watching and praying with you as you walk through this time of suffering.
Your comment on Seedlings moved me. You said, “…the pain that strikes where it hurts the most often brings the most joy in its redemption.”
I will visit again soon. God bless you as you continue to abide in Him, my friend.
I love the new haircut.
I love that you are smiling.
from one short hair girl to another – i love the new do. it’s fantastic.
julie lenger harkless
Charity — love the new cut. It’s so flattering!!
And your thoughts — poignant and beautiful.
Yes, it’s very nice, and I have continued to plead your case before the Lord, but I think the haircut is your way of changing the subject. That being, the green thing in the bottom, left corner of the previous post’s picture. Pickle? Cucumber? Larry Boy? I must know why that is placed among the paper.
That thought about your body betraying you. I could see it. See how we’d want to be angry about something, somewhere. And the strange thing is, though, that as you imply, each of us will eventually be “betrayed” by our bodies. How little we really control, though we pretend we can, with hair color, facelifts, etc.
It may sound funny, but I see so much wisdom just in your simple approach to cutting your hair before it falls out.
And it really is a flattering cut!
B”H
Hi Charity,
Sorry to be so late on this sad sad subject. I was quite shocked when I read your post of first discovering the cancer. I think you are very brave to be so honest and vulnerable with this news. I’m glad that so many of your friends and brethren have risen to the occasion and sent cards and greetings. Know for sure that you are highly regarded and much loved. Your writing has been a blessing to far more people than you have any idea of.
Thank you for all that you have shared. Just as the LORD is faithful to you in these hard times, so also are we assured that He will be faithful us too.
Blessings for love and peace,
Shlomo
I LOVE the new haircut!
Charity
I’m catching up on your last couple of posts…
What evidence of God at work in your life that you seek to see this trial from an eternal perspective!
My wife had cancer a few years ago and though God graced her with many more years here in this present world, through the trial, we discovered God in a way we did not experience previously. May you experience such grace.
In your search for a different metaphor and perspective, I also wanted to point you to the kind of writings that helped us.
We read many Randy Alcorn’s books on heaven and eternity. I will email you – and if you reply with your mailing address, it would be my absolute joy to send you a couple of his books.
Grace to you. BTW, you look great with your new cut!