For the past few months, the thought of having my cancer return has been overwhelming and anxiety producing. All of the “what-ifs” seemed like too much to deal with. So I have been trying to live one day at a time, trusting that on the day I found out the cancer is back, the Lord would give me the grace to deal with it.
Thankfully, that day has come and I do feel an incredible amount of peace to continue to walk through this journey with cancer. If found out yesterday that I do have a 2 cm tumor in one of my abdominal lymph nodes. Of course I am disappointed and worried that the cancer has returned. However, my healthcare team has known all along that my particular type of cancer has a high recurrence rate. And all things considered, there is much to be thankful for. First, the cancer seems to be contained in this one location and has not entered my lungs or other major organ systems. Second, my CA 125 seems to be incredibly accurate and sensitive to this disease so that we can use it reliably to detect further recurrences. Third, I am still young (relatively speaking) and feeling really good right now to continue this fight. (The fighting metaphor seems to be more real to me right now!)
I will be meeting with the doctor on Monday to discuss my options. Please pray for wisdom for me as this time there truly do seem to be “options” that I can choose between. (Last time, the plan was laid out pretty firmly.) Among the various options are surgery and chemo, just chemo, various types and combinations of chemo, radiation (less likely), or nothing (not really an option). Also, please pray that I will be content to walk through this process. Now that it’s summer, the thought of surgery, recovery, chemo and all its side effects while the weather is nice and I’d rather be active is hard for me right now.
Again, thanks so much for your prayers and your continued encouragement. I’m sorry these posts are so factual right now, but I haven’t had a chance to be too reflective yet.