For the past several months, I have often felt weary.
It’s odd, really. Things are going well, my health is good, my family has been most healthy, I have a network of good friends I value, I have had opportunities to travel, my job is secure, my church is thriving.
And yet, this weariness.
About three months ago, I realized that perhaps the weariness is a result of too many good things in my life: too many hours spent in meetings and Bible studies and book clubs and small groups and dinners out and dinners in. Too much time spent on too many hobbies, too many commitments, too much entertainment. There wasn’t one bad thing I was doing in my life. The problem was too many good things.
In other words, as Mark Buchanan says in his book Spiritual Rhythm, I had chosen the wrong weariness.
They’ve (the Israelites) poured themselves out on things that have poured nothing back, and they are empty and spent as a consequence. The one pouring out that would refill and replenish them as they did it – a passionate pursuit of God – they spurn. They are not making themselves weary for the only one who can refresh them in their weariness. . . The real order of business while earthbound is to choose, in season and out, what to weary ourselves with, whom to weary ourselves for. – Buchanan, page 202
This is the heart behind my year of “empty.” I’m not sloughing off bad things. As a rule, I try not to devote myself to things like that. I am emptying out good things in order to do the best things, the things that are most life-giving, not just for me, but for the people around me. The things that reveal Jesus the most.
In other words, I am trying to choose the right weariness.
Often our pursuits are trivial. They might masquerade as great dreams, but it’s by their fruit that you know them. We gain things that perish only to lose things meant to endure, things we were to guard with all our hearts: we get a big house, but estranged children; we win the applause of strangers, and lose our friends; we acquire wealth and status, but grow cold toward God; we acquire much and spend much, but give little and – really – get little. The Bible tells us to seek the Lord. It tells us to seek peace and pursue it. It tells us to seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness. We can know all this, and even do it, but lose our way along the way and end up chasing things we’ll never catch or, if we do, wish we hadn’t. -Buchanan, page 205
This emptying has been painful and exhilarating. I have felt free and I have felt trapped. As I empty one area of my life, I am compelled to examine other areas, areas I didn’t plan on emptying.
But as I empty, I begin to feel the weariness lift a little, too.
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Today, I am joining Amber Robinson in her online book club discussion about Mark Buchanan’s book, Spiritual Rhythm: Being with Jesus Every Season of Your Soul. Over at her place, you can read my thoughts on chapters 8 and 9, “Fall Activities.” The post above resulted from me getting ahead of myself and reading chapter 10, “Balancing (or Not).”
Loved this. Getting comfortable saying no to many good things…saying no without excuse or explanation is a muscle builder. Oh the rewards!
I loved this Charity. I relate on so many levels – and it has given me the impetus to do one ‘stepping back’ thing that I haven’t had the energy to do – even though the Lord has withdrawn my passion for it. I will remember this thought of the “right weariness”. Thank you.
An extremely interesting take. Instead of just “slowing down” you have chosen to “empty” yourself, which takes more discipline, but just might be ticket
We all need rest, even from the good things. Beautiful post, Charity.
I love this, Charity. I have such a hard time just being. Just listening. Being with friends. Being emptied out to be filled up again.
This is so beautiful, Charity and so true for most of us involved in many “good” things, including those you mentioned. I personally had to say no to some good things recently because it detracted from my ability to devote time to the pursuit of God.
I have never thought of the weariness Buchanan speaks of but it is so true. “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…” Oftentimes we weary ourselves pursuing “much service” like Martha when the Spirit continually says to us, “one thing is needful.” Those good things we pursue do not and cannot replenish us but this “one thing”, this passionate pursuit of God is the only thing capable of replenishing us and the only thing worth being weary for.
I really appreciate this post. In fact, I often find myself so tired of false shame. You know the kind, when you start saying no to all of those “good things,” you feel guilty. Yet I can attest to the fact that when this weariness you speak of hits my soul, I know it’s time to reevaluate.
I savor the scriptures that speak about Jesus’s relationship with his Father because I feel hopeful that He gave me the Holy Spirit to lead me moment-by-moment. Only the Spirit knows how to intercede for me and guide me along my unique path.
I respect your devotion to pare down your life so you can discover what The Giver of Life has for you. That, in my estimation, is a true sign of spiritual maturity.
Amy – I have known weariness that comes from trials or sins. But more often than not, my weary times are created by too many “good” choices. It sounds like we are “sisters” in this. Praying you will find the right weariness in your own life.
Your list of “good things” is very similar to mine. . .so why am I weary? I love your insight on this.