Writing these personal reflections about Advent each day has become more than just a writing exercise. By now, it is more like a spiritual discipline, an act of faith that when I sit down to write each day that Jesus will have done something in my life and I will have the spiritual eyes to see it.

Some days, what to write about is literally right in front of me – like the day I opened my blinds to see the first snow. Other times, I observe my friends, or even my own life, and think about the experiences for a few days, determining what the Lord might have for me. 

Some days, I’ve got nothing.

I guess it’s not entirely true that I’ve got NOTHING. There’s always some thought, some truth knocking around in the back of my head. If I needed to, I could write about that. But if it’s not ready, if I don’t know exactly what Jesus is trying to teach me yet, if I haven’t experienced in my soul, then it’s dry.

And often, when I try to plan too far ahead, this is the case. 

This daily reliance feels remarkably similar to my default survival mode since my cancer diagnosis more than four years ago. Many days during the first year, and even some days since, the sum of my days, the unknowns of the future, the hard things in life all feel like too much. So I interrupt my own thoughts and anxiety to ask myself about TODAY.

“What does Jesus have for me today? Do I believe His promise to be with me? With no thought for tomorrow, can I do what Jesus is asking of me today with His help?”

Sadly, the longer I find myself cancer free, the more I start planning for the future and relying on myself. When actually, this daily living, obeying and walking with Jesus for just this day, is the true calling for all our days in this space between Jesus’ comings.

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So if you are wondering what I am going to write about tomorrow, I really don’t know. I don’t really know what tomorrow holds at all. But I do know that if I am walking through tomorrow, it will be with Jesus. Tomorrow and every day, until I go Home or He comes again.

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And today’s links from the High Calling Advent Writing Project —

Post edited from the archives – this is what I was thinking about on Week 2, Day 4 of Advent 2009. Remarkable how much things are the same, and how much things have changed.

Photo by josecarrizo, via Flickr, used with permission under the Creative Commons License.